Anonymous submission to Conflict Minnesota
Why does no one want to be a cop anymore? Because everyone is being such big meanies to them. At least, that’s what City Pages claims in the truly repulsive cover story of their latest issue, written by head editor Pete Kolz. Now if we wanted to convince you that this article is awful we could write many paragraphs dispelling all of the fucked up mystifications and outright bullshit crammed into it. We could slot in many examples, such as how it opens with a tear-jerking rendition of the racist and factually inaccurate myth of cops being the first line of defense for Western civilization against the barbarian hordes, liable to be gunned down at any moment by some ethnically-ambiguous youth, (ignoring the fact that being a cop isn’t even in the top 15 most dangerous professions in this country, just barely edging out grounds maintenance workers, who we are sure will be getting their sympathetic cover story in City Pages next week). Or we could delve into the fact that Petey sympathetically quotes Minneapolis Lt. Bob Kroll at length on the crisis of the “noble profession” 🤮 and about how frightened the trainings designed to make him scared of dark figures haunting the city streets made him feel. We’re sure Pete intended to mention Kroll’s infamous tenure as head of the Minneapolis police union, or, you know, the fact that he is an outed white supremacist. His editor must have just cut that part out because of space constraints; oh, wait…
Honestly though, we’re gonna save our time and yours and stop the rant about how bad the article is there. You can read it yourself, if you’re down with that kinky rage-reading shit like we are. Besides we’ve got something more fun in mind, a little game called #CityPagesIsCancelled. People have been playing this game for a little bit now, inspired by the publication’s previous fucked up takes on sex work, the surveillance state, and of course the police. This latest issue though really calls for us to step it up and start the largest round ever seen. The rules couldn’t be simpler: just walk into any store or bar that carries everyone’s favorite local ‘alternative’ weekly, pick up their stack and leave. It really couldn’t be easier, as no store clerk gives a shit about someone taking all the free newspapers, and usually those little racks are by the door out of sight anyway. Once you leave dump them in the next recycling bin you see (cause we’re eco-friendly like that), or light them up if you really want to go for those bonus points. Then don’t forget to document and share, cause virality is what we’re all about these days, right? And just like that you win, we win, and City Pages and Pete Kolz and the cops lose. Because while we would point out to Kolz that there are probably more reasons that people don’t want to be cops, reasons having to do with their position as upholders of a fucked-up enslaving, genocidal, ecocidal social order, we’d like to hope that he’s not totally off base, and that by making the lives of cops and their apologists just slightly more miserable we can throw a wrench into the workings of their terrible machine. If being mean to the police and their faithful defenders can bring on a recruitment crisis, then let’s get mean!
So go out there and get cracking, the game begins now! Move your feet, cause the longer you wait the harder it’s gonna be to rack up points. This very moment someone could be headed to your favorite ‘alternative’ hangout to incinerate those copies that should be yours! Go, go, out into this balmy spring day! #CityPagesIsCanceled #BeMeanToCops